Turning a corner

Well, it's been a while since I posted last.  Year end at work has been consuming a good majority of my time.  Plus, I just haven't felt like I've had all that much to write about.  Sometimes I feel like my life is just way to boring!

Today was the start of a new cycle for me.... :(  Brad and I talked quite a bit last night about what our next move would be.  Even though we initially wanted to wait another cycle, we are both ready to move on to a monitored clomid cycle.  Brad made mention that it seems like I have relaxed alot about TTC (he was right.)  I have been much more laid back this cycle with a "if it happens, it happens" approach.  Don't get me wrong....I was still charting and we timed sex.  I was just not as stressed as normal.  It was really nice!

This is what I have been waiting for: my mind and body to finally do what I have been hoping to do for a while now: turn the corner that would allow me to relax somewhat and take things in stride.  It is hard to describe the sense of peace that has come over me the last few weeks.  

So anyways, I called the doctor this morning and made an appointment to go in the day after tomorrow to start my monitoring for this cycle and get the clomid.  I am 100% ready for this part of TTC.  I'm so glad I waited until it felt right.  This way, I am comfortable and almost giddy about the new possibilities.

On a side note, I started running again.  A few weeks ago I signed up for a race and have been sticking to running at least 3 times a week with Suki and Mya.  It has been absolutely amazing!  I really believe that running has been a big part of what has helped me relax and get everything into perspective.  Not only that, but getting in shape again can only help fertility along.  Even if I get pregnant soon, I will continue to run (although I may have to slow it down a lot).  Running is exclusively "me" time and it has become like therapy for me. :)

Okay, back to baby making...

I realized today that I would continue to have to take time off a few times/month for appointments.  I obviously don't want to use vacation time so that I can stay under the radar but I also didn't want my boss thinking I was interviewing for other jobs (or who knows what) with all the leaving early and coming in late that will be happening.  To fully understand, you would have to know my boss.  He is always thinking of some new conspiracy theory and since I don't ever come in late, leave early, or take my lunch (its a small company), his mind would be racing and would eventually ask me about it anyway.

So, I made the decision to tell him what was going on....Wow, was that hard to do!  It seriously took me like 5 minutes to even get the words out but when I finally did, he was really great about it.  He kept saying "take as much time as you need.  You deserve it."  I knew the time wouldn't be an issue so much as his mind wondering where I was always sneaking off to.  He agreed that it was definitely best that I tell him.  He could somewhat relate to my situation.  He lost a daughter at birth several years back and said that it was the hardest thing he has been through.  I am truly lucky to have such an understanding boss.  Now I can come and go as I please without feeling guilty or like I'm hiding something.

So here we are: ready to embark on a new path on our baby journey, praying and hoping that this will bring us what we so desperately want.  I am so very ready for the next step and I'm glad that Brad is too.