Our long weekend trip was absolutely wonderful and so very relaxing! I'm sad to be back at work today. :( Visiting Galena and enjoying the peacefulness all over again is definitely at the top of my list.
The house we stayed at was perfect: tons of natural light in the 2 story windows, a screened in porch (where we ate most of our meals), a 2 story deck overlooking the wooded lot, and last but not least- the hot tub. I even got in a light workout on one of the mornings taking a run down the winding roads.
And now onto not so positive things. As previously expected, I did not ovulate this month. My temperature never did go up. After getting my blood drawn today, the doctor was able to confirm my fears. So, now it's back to the drawing board. I have a consult appt with the RE next Wednesday @ 1 to go over a new treatment plan. The nurse mentioned that injectible plus IUI might be the next step.
It's my understanding that injectibles are similar to clomid, in that they help your body ovulate better, ie... bigger, better eggs. However, that would mean injections everyday. Honestly, my first thought on that is, "if I'm going to go on injections everyday, why not just do IVF?" I know that is jumping the gun, and I know that IVF would be more taxing on my body (with bedrest on the day of the egg retrieval and then again at egg transfer), but I'm feeling really down about our treatment right now. Also, the fact that my insurance covers EVERYTHING is enticing.
I'm sure that by next Wednesday, after I speak with the Dr, I will be able to make a more informed decision. Until then, I will try my best to keep my head up and enjoy all the wonderful things that life has to offer. This past weekend, really helped remind me how much I have to be thankful for in my life right now....brad being one of those things. I'm so glad I have him for all of this. Also, having such great insurance has been a true blessing. It is such an injustice that so many couples that face IF, do so with the added stress of paying for all treatments out of pocket. I'm hopeful that someday in the near future, all IF treatments will be covered under all insurance plans.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
why?
Well, I had my IUI on Wednesday morning after I told the doctor about my positive opk. They also took blood and did an internal ultrasound that morning. My follies didn't look any bigger (possibly even smaller) and my LH was 47. The nurse thought that my LH level looked pretty good to determine that ovulation may have happened/was happening.
Fast forward to this morning (Friday). Yesterday morning did not bring a temp increase of very much at all so I knew when I went to bed last night that this morning's temp needed to shoot up. Well, it didn't. I am crushed. Apparently I didn't ovulate when the opk told me I would.
This seems very similar to my first clomid cycle when my follicle growth seemed to stop and then a few days later, I ovulated on my own on cd19.
The doctors office doesn't open for about a half hour so I will be calling them as soon as I possibly can to determine what they want me to do.
We leave for vacation today-so much for starting things out right. Looks like another cycle of timed intercourse (which obviously doesn't work so I don't know why we even both-probably because at this point we can't throw away any chance we get).
My opks never led me astray before I started the meds so why now? Does my body react a little differently to clomid than the norm? Why can't this just work? This is so f-ing heartbreaking and I don't know how to get through the day today.
I guess going from the high of being able to do IUI and then having all that false hope stripped away from me has left me shattered.....the IUI won't work since I didn't ovulate. Why me?
Fast forward to this morning (Friday). Yesterday morning did not bring a temp increase of very much at all so I knew when I went to bed last night that this morning's temp needed to shoot up. Well, it didn't. I am crushed. Apparently I didn't ovulate when the opk told me I would.
This seems very similar to my first clomid cycle when my follicle growth seemed to stop and then a few days later, I ovulated on my own on cd19.
The doctors office doesn't open for about a half hour so I will be calling them as soon as I possibly can to determine what they want me to do.
We leave for vacation today-so much for starting things out right. Looks like another cycle of timed intercourse (which obviously doesn't work so I don't know why we even both-probably because at this point we can't throw away any chance we get).
My opks never led me astray before I started the meds so why now? Does my body react a little differently to clomid than the norm? Why can't this just work? This is so f-ing heartbreaking and I don't know how to get through the day today.
I guess going from the high of being able to do IUI and then having all that false hope stripped away from me has left me shattered.....the IUI won't work since I didn't ovulate. Why me?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Update!!
So I just took an OPK to be sure that I wouldn't ovulate on my own before tomorrow's trigger shot and.....it was about as close to positive as it could be! I called the Dr's office and they are having Brad drop of his "part" tomorrow @ 7:30 and then I come in @ 9 for the IUI. Yay! Happy Dance!!! OMG, I could shout if from the rooftops!!!
IUI countdown
Well, things are looking good for IUI later this week before we leave for vacation. Yay!! Yesterday morning's monitoring appt wasn't as great as I wanted it to be, but the doctor is still hoping that I will be able to trigger tomorrow morning when I am in for another appt. Fingers and toes crossed for good follicle growth between now and tomorrow morning!
I think if it still doesn't happen for us this cycle, it will be really hard on Brad and myself. Not to mention, parents on both sides are really hoping that this is it for us also. I don't think I can stand many more pregnancy announcements. I know it sounds really selfish, but it seems like every 3 weeks, I have to hear about another friend or family member that is pregnant. It just hurts to see everyone else get what I have been working for, for so long.
Ugh, I wish I didn't feel like this. I want to be truly happy for others, but it's just so hard when there is so much pain in looking at someone else's cute pregnant belly and seeing their face light up when talking about how excited they are. What I would give to have what some take for granted since it comes so easily... Not to say that I can't be happy for others, it just seems to take me a while to get to that point.
Okay, moving on from all this self pity- Vacation starts this Friday @ 3 (well, that's when I get off work)!!! We are going up to Lake Galena with 2 other couples and so far the weather looks like it's going to cooperate while we're there. We have planned some really fun outdoor activities and I can't wait!!! If we can get the IUI done before we leave, I will be that much more in a fabulous mood. :)
Here are some pics of the house we are renting:
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I think if it still doesn't happen for us this cycle, it will be really hard on Brad and myself. Not to mention, parents on both sides are really hoping that this is it for us also. I don't think I can stand many more pregnancy announcements. I know it sounds really selfish, but it seems like every 3 weeks, I have to hear about another friend or family member that is pregnant. It just hurts to see everyone else get what I have been working for, for so long.
Ugh, I wish I didn't feel like this. I want to be truly happy for others, but it's just so hard when there is so much pain in looking at someone else's cute pregnant belly and seeing their face light up when talking about how excited they are. What I would give to have what some take for granted since it comes so easily... Not to say that I can't be happy for others, it just seems to take me a while to get to that point.
Okay, moving on from all this self pity- Vacation starts this Friday @ 3 (well, that's when I get off work)!!! We are going up to Lake Galena with 2 other couples and so far the weather looks like it's going to cooperate while we're there. We have planned some really fun outdoor activities and I can't wait!!! If we can get the IUI done before we leave, I will be that much more in a fabulous mood. :)
Here are some pics of the house we are renting:
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Getting antsy
I'm 7 days into our first attempt at an IUI cycle and I'm am getting so impatient. My next monitoring appt is this Friday (cd10) and I am hoping and praying that I have some beautifully growing follies. We leave for vacation on June 24th and I absolutely must ovulate and get the IUI done before that. This is definitely going to be pushing it for my body.
I usually ovulate anywhere from day 13 to day 22....that is a pretty big gap! In order for us to be able to do IUI, I need to trigger for ovulation no later than cd15 (day 15 of my cycle). Please keep fingers and toes crossed that my body cooperates with me this month so that we can successfully administer our first IUI.
It will definitely help me enjoy vacation that much more if we get to do the procedure! :)
I usually ovulate anywhere from day 13 to day 22....that is a pretty big gap! In order for us to be able to do IUI, I need to trigger for ovulation no later than cd15 (day 15 of my cycle). Please keep fingers and toes crossed that my body cooperates with me this month so that we can successfully administer our first IUI.
It will definitely help me enjoy vacation that much more if we get to do the procedure! :)
Friday, June 10, 2011
Girl's Night
Well I'm back at home after a girls night dinner and feeling very content. There were 5 of us there tonight. It was good to get together again like old times and have some good laughs. Molly brought her 6 week old son and he behaved perfectly. As can be expected, we all cooed over him and practically drooled as he made the cutest faces when looking at the lights in the restaurant.
Now I'm back at home on the couch with a glass of wine and watching whatever I want on t.v.....awesome!!! Brad is gone for the weekend at his annual cabin trip. For the most part he will be unreachable since the service out there is awful. Plus, he's probably going to be extremely intoxicated most of the weekend, so it's probably best if he doesn't drunk dial me at all hours of the night and leave me weird messages. :) I'm really hoping to continue my streak of relaxing this weekend.
Today is officially day 3 of the my cycle. We are 100% on board with the Dr to start IUI this cycle. And of course, with every new procedure/medication we try comes a new sense of hope and anticipation. I keep thinking to myself, we should be getting really close to that ever elusive bfp.
I need to stop getting my hopes up, but it's so hard to do that. Sometimes I just tell myself, "well, if I haven't gotten pregnant so far, why would this cycle be any different?" It may sound somewhat awful to think that way, but it can help keep me grounded sometimes when my thoughts run away with me. Otherwise, I would be even more crushed when my cycle inevitably starts again.
No matter what though, Brad and I are willing to do virtually whatever it takes to bring our baby into this world. So for now, we'll just keep chugging along and trying to roll with the punches....maybe not so much rolling as tripping, falling, and dragging ourselves back on to our feet.
We are strong people and we can weather this storm and hopefully enjoy the sunny days on the other side of this battle.
Now I'm back at home on the couch with a glass of wine and watching whatever I want on t.v.....awesome!!! Brad is gone for the weekend at his annual cabin trip. For the most part he will be unreachable since the service out there is awful. Plus, he's probably going to be extremely intoxicated most of the weekend, so it's probably best if he doesn't drunk dial me at all hours of the night and leave me weird messages. :) I'm really hoping to continue my streak of relaxing this weekend.
Today is officially day 3 of the my cycle. We are 100% on board with the Dr to start IUI this cycle. And of course, with every new procedure/medication we try comes a new sense of hope and anticipation. I keep thinking to myself, we should be getting really close to that ever elusive bfp.
I need to stop getting my hopes up, but it's so hard to do that. Sometimes I just tell myself, "well, if I haven't gotten pregnant so far, why would this cycle be any different?" It may sound somewhat awful to think that way, but it can help keep me grounded sometimes when my thoughts run away with me. Otherwise, I would be even more crushed when my cycle inevitably starts again.
No matter what though, Brad and I are willing to do virtually whatever it takes to bring our baby into this world. So for now, we'll just keep chugging along and trying to roll with the punches....maybe not so much rolling as tripping, falling, and dragging ourselves back on to our feet.
We are strong people and we can weather this storm and hopefully enjoy the sunny days on the other side of this battle.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I love summer!
It is pushing 100 degrees today and I absolutely love it. Don't get me wrong, I am inside basking in the a/c and looking out the window, not actually out in the heat. But, just the fact that the sun is shining, I don't need an umbrella or a coat, and shorts are on the agenda as soon as I get home from work brings a smile to my face. I'm going to try to remember how much I abosolutely hate winter and the cold weather all summer long. :)
More good news: it's a short week at work for me! I took this Thursday and Friday off, so tomorrow is my last day for the week....woo-hoo!!! :)
On a not so good note, I'm almost positive that this cycle was a bust. My temp has been plumetting, I'm still getting bfn's (negative pregnancy tests), and I'm spotting. So much for having a chart that looked fantastic this cycle. Aparently that doesn't mean anything at all. There was one morning at the end of last week that I had convinced myself that I must be pregnant because of how very different my chart looked this month. Of course, that makes this even worse.
The plan for next cycle is to start IUI (insemination). My only concern for that is the fact that on what I think will be day 17 of my cycle, we leave for vacation. If my body doesn't develop mature eggs fast enough this cycle, then we won't be able to do the IUI since I have to physically go to the Dr.'s office so they can shoot Brad's boys where they need to go(sorry for the crude interpretation).
If we don't get to do IUI, I'm going to be seriously upset. I'm just so very sick of not getting pregnant. I know I've said this several times before, but I never imagined how frustrating, heart-breaking and devasting IF could be all at once. It's the most important thing in my life right now and I just wish that my broken body would cooperate. I mean; how did this happen to me anyway??? My family is a bunch of fertile-myrtle's. Both my younger brother and sister had oops' (my brother only once, but my sister twice).
My mom even warned me in college that conceiving is genetically easy in our family. I guess it was her way of saying, "be careful and make sure you're taking the pill consistantly."
Recently, Brad and I have been talking about telling his parents what we are going through. At first we did not want to tell them because we didn't want anymore questions than necessary and we were concerned his mom would tell other people. After really talking this through with him though, we both feel that his mom would probably realize that this is an extrememly personal life event and would hopefully use discretion in not telling people. Not only that, but we feel that they may be hurt if we continue to wait to tell them (Especially since my parents know).
Plus, last week when Brad's cousin got KU, his mom seemed so sad...almost similar to the way that I felt in finding out-like it should have been Brad and I with that news.
So, the next time we see them, we agreed to tell them both about our treatment plan and just hope they will be supportive and respectful of our privacy.
I wonder if someday when I hopefully do get pregnant, if all this pain will wash away or if I will continue to carry the loss with me? For so long now, all I've wanted is a baby....a happy, healthy child that Brad and I created....a perfect combination of the two of us that would be so loved and so very well taken care of to help make our family complete.
Please God, give me the chance to be the mommy I know I can be, please.
More good news: it's a short week at work for me! I took this Thursday and Friday off, so tomorrow is my last day for the week....woo-hoo!!! :)
On a not so good note, I'm almost positive that this cycle was a bust. My temp has been plumetting, I'm still getting bfn's (negative pregnancy tests), and I'm spotting. So much for having a chart that looked fantastic this cycle. Aparently that doesn't mean anything at all. There was one morning at the end of last week that I had convinced myself that I must be pregnant because of how very different my chart looked this month. Of course, that makes this even worse.
The plan for next cycle is to start IUI (insemination). My only concern for that is the fact that on what I think will be day 17 of my cycle, we leave for vacation. If my body doesn't develop mature eggs fast enough this cycle, then we won't be able to do the IUI since I have to physically go to the Dr.'s office so they can shoot Brad's boys where they need to go(sorry for the crude interpretation).
If we don't get to do IUI, I'm going to be seriously upset. I'm just so very sick of not getting pregnant. I know I've said this several times before, but I never imagined how frustrating, heart-breaking and devasting IF could be all at once. It's the most important thing in my life right now and I just wish that my broken body would cooperate. I mean; how did this happen to me anyway??? My family is a bunch of fertile-myrtle's. Both my younger brother and sister had oops' (my brother only once, but my sister twice).
My mom even warned me in college that conceiving is genetically easy in our family. I guess it was her way of saying, "be careful and make sure you're taking the pill consistantly."
Recently, Brad and I have been talking about telling his parents what we are going through. At first we did not want to tell them because we didn't want anymore questions than necessary and we were concerned his mom would tell other people. After really talking this through with him though, we both feel that his mom would probably realize that this is an extrememly personal life event and would hopefully use discretion in not telling people. Not only that, but we feel that they may be hurt if we continue to wait to tell them (Especially since my parents know).
Plus, last week when Brad's cousin got KU, his mom seemed so sad...almost similar to the way that I felt in finding out-like it should have been Brad and I with that news.
So, the next time we see them, we agreed to tell them both about our treatment plan and just hope they will be supportive and respectful of our privacy.
I wonder if someday when I hopefully do get pregnant, if all this pain will wash away or if I will continue to carry the loss with me? For so long now, all I've wanted is a baby....a happy, healthy child that Brad and I created....a perfect combination of the two of us that would be so loved and so very well taken care of to help make our family complete.
Please God, give me the chance to be the mommy I know I can be, please.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Checking In
Wow, I really need to stay on top of updating this thing more often. I guess these last few weeks, have been somewhat uneventful, so I haven't really been in the mood to post.
A recap of the last few weeks: Last cycle ended in a BFN (duh). It was hard to deal with but that fact that I had to go to yet another dinner party and get a pregnancy announcement dropped on me at dinner was especially awful. Then last weekend, we found out that Brad's cousin and his wife are pregnant...ugh! Apparently they just started trying. Seems to be so easy for everyone but us! :(
We moved on to another medicated clomid cycle and I'm currently in the 2 week wait (2ww). Things went better this cycle and I actually got to use the trigger shot for ovulation last week. Poor Brad was pysching himself out over giving me the shot, that I decided to give it to myself when he wasn't home. It worked out well and didn't hurt at all!
We are thinking next cycle we will move on to IUI (as long as our vacation doesn't hit at the wrong time in my cycle). I am excited to start more aggressive treatment
Last weekend we bought a new kitchen table and a china cabinet for our dining room. Squeee...I'm so excited to get it!
Work has been really stressing me out the last couple of weeks and I can't wait until next week when I have Thursday and Friday off.
I suppose that is about it for now. Hopefully I will have more exciting things to post about more often. :)
A recap of the last few weeks: Last cycle ended in a BFN (duh). It was hard to deal with but that fact that I had to go to yet another dinner party and get a pregnancy announcement dropped on me at dinner was especially awful. Then last weekend, we found out that Brad's cousin and his wife are pregnant...ugh! Apparently they just started trying. Seems to be so easy for everyone but us! :(
We moved on to another medicated clomid cycle and I'm currently in the 2 week wait (2ww). Things went better this cycle and I actually got to use the trigger shot for ovulation last week. Poor Brad was pysching himself out over giving me the shot, that I decided to give it to myself when he wasn't home. It worked out well and didn't hurt at all!
We are thinking next cycle we will move on to IUI (as long as our vacation doesn't hit at the wrong time in my cycle). I am excited to start more aggressive treatment
Last weekend we bought a new kitchen table and a china cabinet for our dining room. Squeee...I'm so excited to get it!
Work has been really stressing me out the last couple of weeks and I can't wait until next week when I have Thursday and Friday off.
I suppose that is about it for now. Hopefully I will have more exciting things to post about more often. :)
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