I've Been MIA Lately

I'm not exactly sure why, but lately I have not really wanted to update here or on my usual message board.  And honestly, today is no different. 

I'm kind of just forcing myself to post because I am feeling so crappy about myself that I'm hoping this will help.

Since the last time that I posted, I started seeing a therapist.  For the most part, I think it is going to be a very positive experience for me.  Some of the issues she has already pointed out to me are definitely fixable and will hopefully get me to a better place with everything in my life.  I go back on Wednesday and feel like I definitely could use to go today as well.

Nothing necessarily happened to me today to cause the way I'm feeling, I just can't shake this overwhelming sadness.  I have been on the brink of tears all day and could just curl into a bawl and lay in bed forever. 

Maybe I'm still not quite over last cycle and losing our little embies, or maybe it's yesterday's baby shower, or maybe it's the co-worker who just had a baby last week, or maybe its the pregnancy announcement from a close friend....the list goes on. 

I just wish this nightmare would end and I could finally be rewarded with what I have worked and prayed so hard for.  Maybe someday I'll be able to look back at this journey as just a memory while I'm holding a baby in my arms.