As you know our next IVF cycle begins on April 30th. Of course, wanting to know ahead of time which dates I'll be out of commission for social activities and possibly work, I counted out the days to when my retreival and transfer would take place. Low and behold, my procedures are going to be taking place either on or just around Mother's Day...fabulous.
I'm not really sure how the heck I am going to manage on THAT day again this year. Last year, Mother's Day was absolutely terrible for me. That was the beginning of our treatment and I was such a wreck on any other day, let alone Mother's Day. When I ran out to get flowers for our moms in the morning and returned home, Brad asked me a simple question and I got upset and started yelling/crying at him. I should have known then that the entire day was going to be horrific.
Our families did not know about our struggles yet. Well, I take that back. Actually my mom knew that we had seen the doctor and I ended up in tears, sobbing that day telling her that we were beginning clomid. She was supportive but I felt terrible for acting like that and taking the attention away from her.
Then we got to Brad's parent's house and since the mom's did not want to cook for everyone they asked that it be taken care of... Well, the guys wouldn't do it, so I ended up in their kitchen by myself preparing all the food while the all the other women (who were moms) sat and chatted at the kitchen table. To their defense, none of them knew that we were struggling. We didn't even tell Brad's parents until a few months later. It took everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, for me to hold it together that day. It was as if I was being punished and was an outcast because I was not a mom.
I know that I will have a more than ever blaring reminder this year that I am not yet a mother- more so than just attending the festivities and seeing all the other moms being celebrated while I sit in the corner and try to hold it together. No- I will be bloated, bruised, very uncomfortable, and more hormonal than usual when all this takes place. It's bad enough that every celebration we go to (whether it be a child's birthday party, holiday gathering, or shower) already reminds me of what is missing in our lives. I'm thinking it will probably be too overwhelming to handle. I can just see making a fool of myself while I sob hysterically and take the attention off of the women that are being celebrated....very classy!
Plus I don't want to offend anyone, especially mine or Brad's mom by not attending the gatherings on Mother's Day. I mean, isn't that being selfish? I know they would fix this for us in a heartbeat if they could. No one is rooting for us more....So by not going on May 13th am I saying that I can't put my own baggage aside for a moment to celebrate the women that brought us into the world?
Bottom line is that I just don't know how I'm going to be feeling that day. It's possible that I will be (emotionally) okay that day and can focus on having a nice time with family.
If my retreival happens to be scheduled on Mother's Day then I have nothing to worry about. Physically, I won't be able to make it. Last time the anesthia had me sleeping well into the late afternoon. I guess that would probably be the best & easiest outcome I could hope for in this situation.
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