Yesterday I went to a "wellness group" hosted by my docotor's office. I guess they call it a wellness group because "Support Group" has such a negative conotation. It was different than I expected it to be- although I'm not really sure what I expected.
My acupuncturist told me about it a couple of weeks ago (he spoke for a portion of time as a guest yesterday) and it peeked my interest as another step I could take to make IF more manageable.
It was a small gathering of 8 women (and 1 man--wow he was brave) with some candles lit and some soft music playing when I walked in. My IVF nurse was there along with a therapist. We went around the room and introduced ourselves and gave a brief summary of our respective journies and then the therapist started getting into some deeper things. Some people started to add their own experiences and before long many women were sharing little tidbits about their lives that I felt a connection with, in some way. It was nice to hear the same thoughts from my head, coming out of someone else's mouth...made me feel so much more validated.
Then something happened that I wasn't expecting- I started to get choked up. At times my eyes would fill up with tears as I would connect with things the therapist or others were saying. I never actually cried, but all those raw, true emotions came flooding back- emotions that I haven't really felt for over a month. I think I realized that while I have been doing some really positive things in my life as of late, that I may have also been suppressing some of the grief and loss that I carry with me.
I realized last night that it is still okay to get upset and breakdown about what we are going through because, well...we're still going through it. Even if we're not in the middle of an IVF cycle (or any other medicated cycle) I shouldn't be pretending like the hurt isn't there. It was as if I have been so focused on trying to be happy- succeeding for the most part- that I pushed down all my sadness so that I couldn't feel it.
After last night, I feel like balance is restored--balance that I didn't even realize was missing until all those feelings came flooding back. And going forward, I need to make sure that I allow those feelings to come up and deal with them in a healthy way. It's okay to be sad sometimes, as long as I'm making positive steps towards being happy in other areas of my life.
Infertility does not define who I am.
Sounds like you had a really healthy revelation about allowing yourself to feel sad sometimes. I've been having the same exact feelings. I focus so much on being happy, that sometimes I almost don't allow myself to feel the negative emotions. But those are important too! I'm glad you found a group to share with, so much of this journey is so lonely, it's nice to connect with others!
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