I'm pregnant!!
We found out last friday and then had another beta today. It came back at 1226. The doubling time is a little over 24 hours. Brad and I are over the moon!
It's starting to sink in that this is for real. Wow, we are having a baby (maybe babies).
Let me back up a little though and say that we also were able to freeze 2 beautiful blastocysts this cycle. :) The fact that we had some left to freeze was wonderful just on it's own.
Now, onto the events from last Friday (4 days ago). I wrote the post below over the weekened:
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So, we told everyone that our beta (blood pregnancy test) was May 29th (Tuesday). However, I was able to get the doctor to move up my appt to the 25th(the Friday before), since I'm a PIA and can't wait.
When I originally asked, the nurse she was hesitant to let me have it done early since the number could be low and cause unneeded anxiety. This was obviously a valid point since I wanted to have them test earlier than they normally allow anyone at only 10 days past 3 day transfer (10dp3dt). However, I knew that I would end up testing at home over the long weekend anyways and would rather have the beta from my doctor rather than just a positive on a home test.
Brad and I took the day off on Friday so we could be together for the news. The nurse said she would call around 2:00 with the results. After we left the doctor, we went out for breakfast and then golfing. After that we went home and I cleaned our house while brad cleaned our cars inside and out. It's a good thing we kept ourselves busy because as it was every second seemed to be going by ever-so-slowly. I had told brad that morning before we left that we only had about 6 hours left of hope, and then everything was going to become reality.
It was almost as if, now that the time had come to find out, I didn't want to know. I guess I was just scared that it would crush me if it was negative and I didn't know if I was ready for that.
Fast forward to 2:02 when my phone rang. I immediately took it outside in the garage as I answered it. Brad walked over knowing that it was the results. The nurse asked me how I was feeling and how my day was going (which was killing me-just tell me the results already). She then told me to take it easy the rest of the day because I was pregnant! I could not believe what I was hearing. Cue the tears. I tried to shake my head yes at brad as the tears came but he didnt get it right away and I had to mouth the word "yes" to him.
There was so much joy, relief, and pain all at the same time. It was the most indescribible feeling. Our journey was getting even closer to a happy ending. For all those times that I wondered if my body could even get pregnant, the resounding answer was YES!
As I tried to collect myself on the phone--I'm not quite sure what all the nurse was saying at this time but I know she was excited for us and that my mind was going a million miles a minute. It was then I realized I needed to know the number of my beta. I basically cut her off mid sentence (whoops) and asked her for the number. When she replied with 160, I was in shock. Oh my God, what a fantastic number! This put my fears aside for a chemical pregnancy (which I realize was still a slim possibility).
I go back in after the holiday weekend for my second beta. This will confirm if my numbers are doubling correctly. We are hoping and praying for more good news in a few days. Oh, how hard it is going to be this weekend as we hang out with friends that know about our cycle, to not share the news. Of course we told our parents that night and got giant hugs from both.
As for today; well, today I'm pregnant and that's all that really matters! And today I am more blessed than I could ever imagine. This child (children-Brad is really stressing about twins) will be loved so very much. I am enjoying this so much that I can't even hardly worry about all the things that could still go wrong. Living in the future does me no good. After all, I just want to relish in the fact that for now, brad and I are expecting a baby (babies). Wow, those words sound so weird yet so wonderful!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I Already Feel Blessed
Well, we had our transfer today. Just the fact that we have gotten to this point makes me feel so very thankful. After so many cycles of bad news and dissapointment, it's really hard to grasp that all these positive things have happened this cycle..
We have changed so many things since our last IVF attempt in January. I startred acupuncture more than 3 months ago, we started eating so much better, I got serious about working out (Brad was already doing that), and most importantly we (mostly me) got to a better mental and emotional place with this whole journey. Back in January, I was losing myself and feeling more and more unhappy with everyday life....It was definitely time for a change.
Being able to see that there is so much more to life than the plan we have for ourselves and learning to be happy with what we have and find happiness in each day has been something that has given me peace.
While I sometimes still feel that the rug is going to be pulled out from under my feet, I try to remember to focus on the fact that there are certain things that I cannot change. I will do my best everyday to get to my goal and be happy with where I am in my life right now.
And now for an update: We got the call on Sunday that out of the 14 eggs they retreived, 11 were mature and 10 fertilized normally. Yay! At that point we also decided that a 3 day transfer would probably be best for our situation based on previous cycles and the fact that our embryos from our first IVF weren't very good quality.
Fast forward to our transfer today. When we got there were were informed that the 2 embryos they were transfering were 8cells/grade4....the best rating possible!!!! And to top that off, the embryologist mentioned that he had a hard time picking the 2 best because all of our embyros were such great quality. He also mentioned that he was hoping to have 6 embies to freeze by day 5 (which is Thursday). What!?!?!?!? How is that possible....if felt surreal to hear that news. He handed me the pictures of our embryos (and they are gorgeous might I just add) and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Everyone cleared out of the room and Brad and I got to take a minute to ourselves.
Here they are: (I've decided the one of the top is a girl and the one on the bottom is a boy- :)
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Whatever the outcome of this cycle, I feel so incredibly blessed to have made it this far with so many hurdles overcome. We put the pictures of our "kids" on the refrigerator when we got home and I can't help but get a huge grin on my face everytime I walk past them. Here we are: we actually have a chance this cycle to become parents and I am on cloud 9 just for this opportunity! :)
Last but not least, here's a pic before the transfer. Brad actually had to wear a haz-mat looking (white) suit that he didn't have all the way on in this pic. Not the best pic, but a memorable one, for sure!
We have changed so many things since our last IVF attempt in January. I startred acupuncture more than 3 months ago, we started eating so much better, I got serious about working out (Brad was already doing that), and most importantly we (mostly me) got to a better mental and emotional place with this whole journey. Back in January, I was losing myself and feeling more and more unhappy with everyday life....It was definitely time for a change.
Being able to see that there is so much more to life than the plan we have for ourselves and learning to be happy with what we have and find happiness in each day has been something that has given me peace.
While I sometimes still feel that the rug is going to be pulled out from under my feet, I try to remember to focus on the fact that there are certain things that I cannot change. I will do my best everyday to get to my goal and be happy with where I am in my life right now.
And now for an update: We got the call on Sunday that out of the 14 eggs they retreived, 11 were mature and 10 fertilized normally. Yay! At that point we also decided that a 3 day transfer would probably be best for our situation based on previous cycles and the fact that our embryos from our first IVF weren't very good quality.
Fast forward to our transfer today. When we got there were were informed that the 2 embryos they were transfering were 8cells/grade4....the best rating possible!!!! And to top that off, the embryologist mentioned that he had a hard time picking the 2 best because all of our embyros were such great quality. He also mentioned that he was hoping to have 6 embies to freeze by day 5 (which is Thursday). What!?!?!?!? How is that possible....if felt surreal to hear that news. He handed me the pictures of our embryos (and they are gorgeous might I just add) and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Everyone cleared out of the room and Brad and I got to take a minute to ourselves.
Here they are: (I've decided the one of the top is a girl and the one on the bottom is a boy- :)
Whatever the outcome of this cycle, I feel so incredibly blessed to have made it this far with so many hurdles overcome. We put the pictures of our "kids" on the refrigerator when we got home and I can't help but get a huge grin on my face everytime I walk past them. Here we are: we actually have a chance this cycle to become parents and I am on cloud 9 just for this opportunity! :)
Last but not least, here's a pic before the transfer. Brad actually had to wear a haz-mat looking (white) suit that he didn't have all the way on in this pic. Not the best pic, but a memorable one, for sure!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
What a Whirlwind!
Since I last updated let me just say that I spoke too soon about feeling fantastic....I started feeling crappy the very next day. Nothing too terrible, but some hot flashes, cramping, extreme fatigue, bloating (yes I actually had to unbutton my pants during the day at work-classy I know), and mood swings were my main symptoms. Although, it was nothing I couldn't handle and really wasn't all that bad, just annoying more than anything.
Anyways, we got the go-ahead on Thursday for retrieval on Saturday. Can you believe it...my progesterone never caused us any concern this cycle? It's funny how things work out. :).
We thought we would get about 10 eggs going into the procedure but were ecstatic to find out that they got 14 eggs....yay!!!!
Then came the interesting part: the recovery. I kept feeling worse as time went on (even when they were trying to give me motion sickness meds). It just wasn't working and after an hour in recovery my heart rate dropped into the 40's, the doctor decided to call an ambulance so that I could get monitored at the hospital. Brad and I looked at each other like "really, I can't believe this is happening." We both just wanted to go home.
The funny part is that my 16 year old brother was already at the hospital from getting his gall bladder removed yesterday. My mom was actually there at the time too so she just had to come downstairs to visit me in the ER.
Of course, once I was at the hospital I started getting better and better. After I was there for about an hour and a half, I was ready to leave but we had to wait 4 hours to get discharged....Ugh am I glad to be home tonight. :)
After all the days events I can finally relax and just be very thankful for the fact that we got such a good quantity of eggs today. In the meantime I'm going to really try not to focus on what lies ahead in the next few days and all the possibilities for things to still go wrong. For now, I am just plain happy!
Oh, and something really important I want to add to this post. First of all, all of my close friends that know about this cycle have been absolutely amazing and supportive!...so thank you all for that. Secondly, when we got home today, brad brought the mail inside and handed me a card from a friend that is going through this infertility hell too. I am so touched by her kindness, it brings tears to my eyes. You know who you are - and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me feel so special!!!
Anyways, we got the go-ahead on Thursday for retrieval on Saturday. Can you believe it...my progesterone never caused us any concern this cycle? It's funny how things work out. :).
We thought we would get about 10 eggs going into the procedure but were ecstatic to find out that they got 14 eggs....yay!!!!
Then came the interesting part: the recovery. I kept feeling worse as time went on (even when they were trying to give me motion sickness meds). It just wasn't working and after an hour in recovery my heart rate dropped into the 40's, the doctor decided to call an ambulance so that I could get monitored at the hospital. Brad and I looked at each other like "really, I can't believe this is happening." We both just wanted to go home.
The funny part is that my 16 year old brother was already at the hospital from getting his gall bladder removed yesterday. My mom was actually there at the time too so she just had to come downstairs to visit me in the ER.
Of course, once I was at the hospital I started getting better and better. After I was there for about an hour and a half, I was ready to leave but we had to wait 4 hours to get discharged....Ugh am I glad to be home tonight. :)
After all the days events I can finally relax and just be very thankful for the fact that we got such a good quantity of eggs today. In the meantime I'm going to really try not to focus on what lies ahead in the next few days and all the possibilities for things to still go wrong. For now, I am just plain happy!
Oh, and something really important I want to add to this post. First of all, all of my close friends that know about this cycle have been absolutely amazing and supportive!...so thank you all for that. Secondly, when we got home today, brad brought the mail inside and handed me a card from a friend that is going through this infertility hell too. I am so touched by her kindness, it brings tears to my eyes. You know who you are - and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me feel so special!!!
Monday, May 7, 2012
7 days of Stims...And Some Inspiration
After 7 days of stims I have to say, I actually feel pretty darn good! Don't get me wrong, I've had a few moments of mood swing hell here and there and I'm definitely feeling pretty tired, but overall I feel good. :)
Eating well, exercising often, acupuncture, and a postive attitude are really helping me to get through this with a smile on my face. I'm so thankful that I gave myself the time I needed to get in a good place before starting this cycle.
It's amazing how sometimes taking a step back and re-evaluating your goals (sometimes with the help of professionals) can really get you to a good place. Don't get me wrong, there will still probably be some low times ahead for me in the next few weeks. I just feel like I am more prepared to deal with whatever gets thrown my direction. Yeah, bad news will suck and its still going to hurt like hell. But, I WILL get through this and I WILL be a better person on the other side of this battle.
I read a quote a few months ago that I have held on to and it's kind of become my motto:
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." I feel like I have tapped into a well of emotional strength lately that is allowing me to see that I CAN get through this....It may not be what I envisioned, but there is so much more to life than what we originally planned for ourselves.
Some other quotes I've read/pinned on pinterest that I read when I need some inspiration:
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason you held on for so long."
"Don't allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not."
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things."
On a side note, we are being very fague with our families and friends this time around concerning details about our next cycle and when we are going through procedures. I mean, our immediate families and close friends know the dates; but as for everyone else, we are just telling them we are getting ready for another cycle soon. Whatever the outcome for this cycle, I really don't want people bothering me right when we find out. Brad and I are going to need time to ourselves at first without having to explain the details to the extended family and friends that aren't in our close-knit circle.
Eating well, exercising often, acupuncture, and a postive attitude are really helping me to get through this with a smile on my face. I'm so thankful that I gave myself the time I needed to get in a good place before starting this cycle.
It's amazing how sometimes taking a step back and re-evaluating your goals (sometimes with the help of professionals) can really get you to a good place. Don't get me wrong, there will still probably be some low times ahead for me in the next few weeks. I just feel like I am more prepared to deal with whatever gets thrown my direction. Yeah, bad news will suck and its still going to hurt like hell. But, I WILL get through this and I WILL be a better person on the other side of this battle.
I read a quote a few months ago that I have held on to and it's kind of become my motto:
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." I feel like I have tapped into a well of emotional strength lately that is allowing me to see that I CAN get through this....It may not be what I envisioned, but there is so much more to life than what we originally planned for ourselves.
Some other quotes I've read/pinned on pinterest that I read when I need some inspiration:
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason you held on for so long."
"Don't allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not."
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things."
On a side note, we are being very fague with our families and friends this time around concerning details about our next cycle and when we are going through procedures. I mean, our immediate families and close friends know the dates; but as for everyone else, we are just telling them we are getting ready for another cycle soon. Whatever the outcome for this cycle, I really don't want people bothering me right when we find out. Brad and I are going to need time to ourselves at first without having to explain the details to the extended family and friends that aren't in our close-knit circle.
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