Back from the Doctor

We had our follow up consult yesterday at the RE to go over all the testing we had done this last cycle.  He started with Brad's results: all good, however it seems that everything for me is fine also expect for my FSH levels.  FSH is the measurement of bad eggs to good eggs.  Everyone has bad and good eggs.  They like to see a low level of bad to good, but mine was a little elevated.  Well, that kind of stung....  But at least we now know that is what has probably been causing it to take a while for us.  The doctor then went into detail and also said that we could still very well get pregnant on our own.  It could be this cycle, it could be several years...there's really not a definite way of knowing.  It depends on the quality of the single egg that is released each cycle. 

So, he talked to us about options for future cycles.  He went over all the levels of clomid and the additional things that go along with that.  And then he talked about possible side effects and chances of having twins (something that scares the crap out of me.)  Twins would be so very financially draining that I would be worried about being able to give my children everything they deserve.  He also mentioned that it would be okay to continue to try on our own. 

By the time that Brad and I left we both knew that we were at least going to try one more cycle before an internvention.  Once at home and talking further, we came to an actual consensus that we would try for 2 more cycles on our own, which would bring us to the 1 year mark, and then go ahead with the monitored clomid cycle. 

Ugh...yesterday I was feeling okay and upbeat about all of this.  I'm not sure if it's because it hadn't sunk in yet or what, but today is a different story.  I'm kind of down this morning and really feeling out this cycle..kind of getting it in my head that I shouldn't get my hopes up because we will probably need medical assistance to get pregnant.  I never thought before we started trying that it would actually come to this.  I mean, it was always in the back of my mind as a possibility because you hear so much about lots of people have infertility isssues.  But I thought, well everyone in mine and Brad's family has no problem of getting KU...lots of surprise babies.  And here we sit...we did it all in the right order: went to college together, graduated, got really good jobs, moved in together and got married, bought a house for a large family, and planned everything out financially to know FOR SURE that we could afford a baby.  Sometimes, it is hard to accept that life is not designed to be fair.  You get your hopes up so high.

The positive side to this is that I know I will be able to get pregnant.  I was just hoping to do it on my own...