Friday, September 9, 2011

This wait is the worst yet...

Well, I'm 11 dpo today and so far I've held off on testing just like I planned so that I don't get my hopes up again after getting a line that resulted because of the trigger.  However, tomorrow is my test day and I'm getting this huge lump in the back of my throat in anticipation. 

Honestly, I would probably hold off testing until Sunday (or possibly Monday when I have my beta), but I have a bachelorette party tomorrow.  I want to go out and have a couple of drinks with a clear conscious...that is if it's negative. 

I still don't really think that this cycle is it for us.  I have absolutely no signs so far.  Now, I know that doesn't neccassarily mean much, but its just another nail in the coffin so to speak.  Getting a bfn this cycle just carries so much more weight than ever before.  While I'm ready to do IVF, it's just going to be so exhausting and I wanted so badly for one of these IUI's to work.

IVF will be a whole new ball game.  The thoughts of a bfn while doing IVF scare the crap out of me.  It's kind of the last resort for us (haven't really talked about adoption, surrogacy, etc).  I know that I will do IVF for as many times as the doctor suggests/allows, but I am so terribly worried that it won't work either. 

I absolutely cannot envision my life without a child (my own child). 

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