I've never been so scared in my life

We had quite the scare on Sunday this past weekend.  It had actually been a pretty low key day, Brad and I hung out together and I got to relax some on the couch.  We had just gotten back from a short trip to home depot when I went to the bathroom to use another progesterone suppository.

Once inserted, I took the applicator out only to find that the entire top of it was covered in bright red blood.  I remember staring at it for what felt like forever trying to make sense of what I was seeing...In reality it was probably only about 5 seconds that I couldn't do anything but stare at the blood.  I couldn't grasp that there was blood in that amount on the applicator.  It seemed like so much, especially since I hadn't had any spotting or bleeding whatsoever during the pregnancy.  At that point I yelled for Brad.  I proceeded to grap some toliet paper and wipe....more blood, heck ALOT of blood.  Brad walked in the bathroom at this point with a terrible look on his face.  I don't know what he said to me, but when I looked down, I was dripping blood.  I told him we needed to go to the ER and I proceeded to change my pants and put on a heavy duty pad, all while sobbing hysterically begging God to not let this be happening.

I remember crying in the car on the way to the hospital and just "knowing" that I was miscarrying.  I can't remember any other time in my life when I have felt so scared or such gut-wrenching sadness.  How could I be losing our miracle baby?  We thought we were going to be okay....after all, I was already past 10 weeks and we had just seen the baby 3 days ago at our first OB appointment.

At the ER, I was a zombie trying to answer the questions the staff had for me.  I just kept thinking, with this much blood, there is no way I'm not miscarrying.  As it turns out, I was wrong.  Thank God for miracles!

Turns out I have a sub chorionic hemorrhage.  This is where the placenta has torn away from the uterine wall in a small section.  Doctors aren't sure what causes them and according to my reading they happend in something like 1% of pregnancies. 

All the bleeding was not affecting the baby and we got to see the little wiggleworm on the ultrasound moving all around and the little heart just beating away.  When I saw that heartbeat on the screen tears rolled down my cheeks and I think I breathed for the first time since I had seen the blood.

I did end up having a follow up with my OB the next morning and he reiterated what they told me at the hospital.  For now (at least the next 2 weeks) I have to take it really easy with no exercising, lifting, twisting, sex, or pulling.  He was very positive that these usually resolve on their own and that everything still looks really good. 

The kicker is that I may still bleed while my body tries to heal.  I have had a really hard time getting my head wrapped around that part....how am I supposed to be okay with that?  So far (4 days after the incident) I haven't had any other bleeding and will probably be on pins and needles until our appointment next Thursday.  

I am so very thankful that this baby is still here!  I guess no matter how grateful you are for something, an experience like this can make you even that much more thankful.  For now, I am so very happy that I am still pregnant and that we are 10 weeks 5 days today.  Everyday is one better than the last!