I cannot begin to tell you how sick and tired I am of hearing about another friend or family member getting KU. Everytime a new announcement is made, it sends me into a tailspin. Today was yet another friend on facebook that is pregnant....it's been almost a month since I had to deal with an announcement, so I was definitely due.
I feel as if every single one of our friends and family are going to get to experience being parents and we won't. As common as IF is supposed to be, then why are there SO many freaking people that have no problem whatsoever conceiving?
All the feelings that I go through when I first get the news--usually first it's a punch to the gut (gasping for air) feeling. It then moves to an incredible sadness that I may never get to expierence pregnancy or my own biological child. Once that feeling has been festering for a while, it inevitably turns to jealousy and anger.
Most of all, I hate that I feel like this in general. Why can't I just put aside my feelings and be happy for my friends and family? IF has invaded my entire life and there is no getting away from it.
I can't bring myself to go to the 2 baby showers I just got invited to. A good friend just had her little girl yesterday and I'm not sure if I will be able to truly happy for them to come visit the baby. I mean, WTF is wrong with me???
Nothing is wrong with you! You are trying to deal with the numerous emotions that come with dealing with IF. I could have written this post. I say don't go to the baby showers- it will just be uncomfortable- send them a gift in the mail and call it a day.
ReplyDeleteHUGS!